Who Created THIS Universe?

It’s with great pleasure that I present the work of my brother, Scott Steelman.
I never knew about his theories until this past year when he began to reveal his work into the worlds of multiverse, including parallel universes, at the Institute of Multiverse Research. He has recently made many startling discoveries that will greatly illuminate our understanding of this expanding field. But more about that in an upcoming blog. For now, let’s simply start with a quote from the noted MIT Professor of Physics, Max Tegmark:

“Parallel universes are not just a staple of science fiction. Other universes are a direct implication of cosmological observations.”

Although most Secular Humanists are skeptical about the claims made regarding the supposed “creator” of the universe, these discoveries will convince many.

Yours Truly,
Ron Steelman
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Who Created THIS Universe?
© 2012 – Scott Steelman

Most religions have a Creation Myth that explains the origin of the world. The TRUE STORY of creation has now revealed itself. It is clear and concise, yet many followers remain confused. Lo, they are the Confusionists.

This is the definitive explanation of reality in this world. If you dare to look further you will “see the light”.

Can you handle the TRUTH?  (We report, You decide.)

Annotated Excerpt from The Book of Lunch,
the most sacred text of Confusionism

First there was light…and it was bright.
Swirling energy crystals reflected the light
and projected a glowing image of Perplexus, the Lord of Lunch

There was a blinding flash and Perplexus awoke.
A Sacred Voice proclaimed: “It’s ALIVE! – and it’s hungry!”

Perplexus – the Great One was half-man and half-woman
(constantly bickering with itself, and arguing about where to set the thermostat)

He/She pondered using His/Her powers to create a
Magnificent-Majestic-Wonder-World to hang around in.
“Let creation begin!” He/She said.

The Great One ( or two) then made the NIGHT…and it was dark!

“Now let procreation begin”.
His/Her loins burned to have safe sex in the holy darkness.
It came to pass…..and was called the Big Bang.

The resultant glorious Self-Impregnation (one of the 7 Sacred Mysteries*)
filled Perplexus with offspring.

After a cigarette and periods of gestation elation alternating with guilt
Perplexus laid 3 magic eggs and thereupon immediately
Invented the omelet…and it was good!

Following breakfast, He/She
Laid 3 more magic eggs that eventually brought forth
The 3 fat sisters: Gigunda, Rotunda and Humonga
to help around the house. (At this point there were no houses,
but the Omnipotent Great One planned ahead.)

Within moments, the sisters grew up (and out) to massive dimensions.
Perplexus charged them with creating all further contents of his realm,
figuring they needed the exercise.

Gigunda also discovered Self-Impregnation and begat a son, Lloyd the Little.
The 3 fat sisters and Lloyd commenced to intelligently design every detail of
the Magnificent-Majestic-Wonder-World.

Gigunda made the land, sea and air and then the clouds, the rain and the mountains.
Rotunda brought forth many creatures, abundant vegetation and, of course,
the Vegi-matic. Humonga populated the land with somewhat intelligent creatures
made in her own image. (Mostly fat, but some more like Lloyd the Little.)

“Just a few more things” said Rotunda as she created cities, malls and game shows.
Humonga followed with automobiles, which begat the Drive-Thru Concept, which begat
fast-food, which begat indigestion. Lloyd insisted on adding computer games, cage fighting and Monster Trucks.

Gazing out over His/Her vast expanse of stuff, Perplexus declared
“Mission Accomplished” and summoned his cherished grandson, Lloyd the Little.

“Lloyd”, he said. “You will go down there and live among them, performing occasional miracles to keep my poll numbers high. Later we will compose the official list of rules
for our subjects”

And then they took a nap.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

To this day, Confusionists believe that the rumbling after a lightning strike is the sound of the 3 fat sisters walking around upstairs in the penthouse apartment – presumably awakened by the flashing lights.

*The 7 Sacred Mysteries
1. From whence did the First Light come?
2. From whom did the Sacred Voice come?
3. What’s for lunch?
4. Self-Impregnation (How do you do that?)
5. Is there an Afterlunch?
6. Why does Lloyd have two L’s anyway?
7. Who?…. But-a-who?…..Who wrote the Book of Lunch?

The Five Commandments
After napping, Perplexus convened a brainstorming session with all five members of the Holy family to compose the Five Commandments. The original idea was to have every person wear a single white glove with one commandment stitched on each finger. Then it was decided to just require that the commandments be memorized for use in a daily recitation of praise. Lloyd the Little was assigned the task of transcribing and delivering them.

Pictured below is the actual ancient tablet with the Five Commandments etched upon it.
Multiverse
The Five Commandments (translated to English)
1. Worship the “Great One”
2. Follow orders carefully and cheerfully
3. Always attend the “Meet Your Maker” fundraiser
4. Do not question authority
5. Bend over and wait for further instructions

This is the light that most devout Confusionists have seen:

# # #

Life’s Little Miracles

miracle whip jar

I frequently read articles about theater and music. I can’t help it. These particular arts have been such a major part of my life that I continue to study and learn and enjoy them whenever possible. They’re in my DNA.

In a New York Times article by Patrick Healy (and I’m quoting freely here) I read about “actor George Lee Andrews, a Guinness World Record holder for the most performances in the same Broadway show: 23 years in The Phantom of the Opera (9,382 performances).” Yet he was shocked when the powers that be “at Phantom revealed that they were not extending his six-month contract, which had been renewed more than 40 times before. Even though George was still at the top of his game, the producers said they just wanted some ‘new blood to strengthen the show for an indefinite commercial run.’”

Most Broadway shows rarely make it to the 1-year mark, so his 23-year run was a phenomenal anomaly. However, the coda of the story is one of life’s little miracles. “George’s sting of leaving the show was greatly lessened when he learned the name of his replacement: Aaron Galligan-Stierle, 31, a New York stage actor who, as fate would have it, is his son-in-law.” George may have even claimed this was a miracle. Or he might have said that this was ‘meant to be.’ I hope not. I’ll have to ask him.

Actually, life simply happens. There are good things, bad things, and a whole heap of stuff in-between. We try to control it all as best we can, but life has a way of expressing itself with or without our consent. When we hit the jackpot there’s a natural tendency for us humans to want to thank someone or something for our gift. We are so superstitious that our imagination begins to work overtime, perhaps concluding that maybe this gift was a reward for something we did right. And if a bad thing happens, we want to find someone else to blame. Often it’s god. Other times we blame it on imaginary villains, or even an object. That’s humans!

I ran across another heart-warming story, this one on National Public Radio. It was an interview with Gerald Wilson, who at the age of 93 was about to release his latest album. Wilson is a giant of jazz who has written for and played with the orchestras of Duke Ellington, Count Basie, Benny Carter, and many more. On this album he’s joined by his son, Anthony Wilson, and grandson, Eric Otis, who are also composers and musicians.

Otis and Gerald Wilson first began working together when the latter’s eyesight started failing and he needed help transcribing his compositions. Soon Otis starting arranging on his own and this led to Wilson and his prodigious Gerald Wilson Orchestra releasing a new album called, Legacy, including arrangements by Wilson’s son…and grandson. What a joy it must be for them to have three generations in their family collaborating to make beautiful music.

Observation, reason, and experience suggest that there is no supernatural deity to thank when good things happen to us. As Shakespeare said, it’s simply “Giddy Fortune’s furious fickle wheel.” Or as he said in All’s Well That Ends Well:

“Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie,
Which we ascribe to heaven. . .”

The ‘good luck’ examples I’ve cited are light-weight, feel-good events. Not all events are good. And when bad things happen, the blame game begins. Many fix the blame based upon their understanding of their god. For example, after 9/11 Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson said that “god may have allowed what the nation deserved because of the moral decay caused by the ACLU, abortionists, feminists, gays, and the People For The American Way.” Really?

It’s hard for many people to accept that it’s simply nature, the natural world that is influencing our lives. But humans panic and fear that if there is no god pulling the strings, life will be turned into some sort of random chaos. The truth is there are seemingly random acts of nature that we can’t explain. However, they are actually triggered by some natural law. . .or by some living creature. Yes, we’re including humans here, who are a part of the natural world. As we increase our knowledge of the natural world, perhaps fewer and fewer events will be ascribed to the supernatural.

We humans want to be in control and/or believe that we have the cell phone number for whoever runs life on our little planet. I do not believe that supernatural deities exist, let alone claim control over our lives. I have come to this opinion because of the overwhelming lack of evidence to the contrary and because there are thousands of religions, each with a god their adherents claim is the one and only TRUE god. This gives one pause.

Life’s good luck and bad luck isn’t dished out by a supernatural deity. Natural phenomena are is the cause and the events that occur are not miracles, not supernatural. The hardest thing for us is to understand that it’s not PERSONAL. Nature doesn’t have our names. We are simply a part of this natural world, a fabulous ever-changing world. To me, that is miracle enough.

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